May 14th, 2020 — If we were going to get philosophical for a moment, (it’s rather constant these days…a pandemic sort begs the question, right?) I ask you: how do we view the past, the present, and the future? It’s complicated yet so simple, y’all.
The past is critical for DATA, patterns, and concrete information. History is important to study for what it was, as long as it’s reported accurately…
The future is also essential for those “what ifs?” and big dreams and maybe even some motivation, if you dare to go down that path.
But, the all-mighty PRESENT is just that. It’s a gift, all cliche aside. It absolutely is. It is the only thing on which we can build right now. If we spend too much time dwelling on what happened in the past, it keeps us stuck. If we spend too much time and energy focused on the future, our heads stay in the clouds which actually keeps us stuck, too.
What can you literally control? Yourself, TODAY. Right now. Moment by moment. Yes, right now you are reading a blog. But is this just part of an hour- or (yikes!) hours-long social media binge? Is that your best use of today? Food for thought.
So, friends, I share with you that I journal and read in the morning before I write. I say this with total awe of myself, because if you’d asked me a year ago or more, “Do you see yourself having a grounding morning practice in which you journal, look at your goal cards, read awesome books and write 750-word blog entries 5-ish days a week?” I would have either laughed in your silly face or looked at you like you’d literally fallen off your rocker!
Translation: I clearly don’t see myself as “that person” who is laser-focused on self-care and improvement. (oh, girl…)
Well, why the heck not?? Apparently I’ve sold myself pretty darn short. (all day every day?) Funnily, I was looking for something the other day in the storage room, and found that I have been a dedicated journal-writer since at least the 8th grade. HEL-LO! Not every day, nor every year even, but consistently inconsistently I have plugged in to pen-and-paper and put down my thoughts and feelings about what was happening in my life! I found a cute snoopy diary with a little lock from 8th grade, spirals from high school, a soft cloth-covered journal from my junior year in college, and several others that I kept while on cool trips or internships (those are my favorite).
But I must be honest: reading those things is absolutely terrifying. TERRIFYING. Why?
Because I am exquisitely pure and in the moment in those papery pages. (precisely why so many people are afraid to write, I think!) And now, at my present age, I see how clearly I knew exactly who I was! EVEN BACK THEN. WHAT?? Just let that soak in for a second…
Does that mean I know exactly who I am NOW? Do you understand the PRESSURE of that?? I say that in jest, but not really. That is HUGE.
Friends, I had a life-altering “download” this morning in my quiet time. I will share it with you in a moment of vulnerability for a few reasons. I think it’s obvious to most that I shine brightly with accountability and connection in my corner so I use it like golden fairy dust. And secondly, and more importantly, it is a message that I think a lot of us need to hear. RIGHT NOW. So here you go:
A message straight from my intuition: (DEEP BREATH)
GIRL, STOP WAITING FOR EVERYONE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO F*CKING DO. QUIT ASKING FOR THE “EASY” BUTTON. JUST DO YOUR THING.
Did I WANT to hear that message? Hell no! Let me repeat that: HELL NO! (I want an EASY BUTTON, not something that tells me figure shizz out MYSELF!)
We perfectionists are paralyzed with fear that we won’t do it right, so we don’t do it AT ALL. (Anyone raising their hand right now? Admission is the first step.)
This is a TRAGEDY. A waste of good talent and energy and genius. We hide behind procrastination and excuses. I raise my hand in full disclosure: ME. I am doing that. Every single day.
Excuse #1: well, we have a pandemic…and that deserves all my attention.
Excuse #2: well, my kids need…(direction, nagging, food, butt-kicking, etc)
Excuse #3: well, someone else is doing that, and it’s better than I would do it.
Excuse #4: well, I don’t really actually believe I can do it, so why try?
When I said vulnerable, I meant it, eh? Here are all my ugly bits. I leave you with this today, and I hope you’ll ask it of yourself along side me:
“Who am I becoming?”
Today is a gift, don’t waste it.
PS Thank you for reading, ugly bits and all.